AngerAnger is a powerful emotion that can seem like an almost insurmountable obstacle to happiness. How many people do you know in the throes of rage that are happy? This emotion can be insidious and not only ruin a person's day, but can keep some people in a state of rage for weeks and in some cases, even years!
This may be particularly true of people that came from an abusive or negligent background. These individuals had to swallow their resentment in order to protect themselves and avoid making the situation even worse. Many people with this kind of background carry extraordinary amounts of rage around with them. We sometimes refer to these people as having a short-fuse or a quick temper. In my opinion, these quick over-reactions are directly attributable to the vast reservoir of anger lurking beneath the surface. Many of these people are in a perpetual state of being on a "low boil". The slightest infraction, like the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, can set them off into a state of rage far outstripping the perceived slight. You end up feeling like you're walking on egg shells when you're around these people, fearful that even the most innocent comment will set them off and you will be set upon. If you have to work with or for these people, you may feel stuck. My advice would be to try and find new employment. If you have to socially interact with them, you should find new friends! Remember my motto: "Life is far too short to be miserable!" There's a saying about anger that always makes me want to strangle people that use it – "People or situations don't make you angry, it's your reactions to this stimulus that makes you angry!" This never fails to get me feeling that I'd like to throttle the people that say it . . . that's because they're right! I'm not implying that we should never get angry – I don't think I've ever known anyone that doesn't get angry, at least occasionally. I also don't believe we should hold these emotions in – inner-directed anger has been linked to depression. This sort of stress not only robs us of the joy of a day, weeks, or even years of our lives, but can also have an adverse influence on our health. Most of the illnesses afflicting humanity have been linked to stress in one way or another. These include hypertension, ulcers, heart attacks, strokes, and even cancer. What I propose is that you keep in mind – "It's your reactions to this stimulus that makes you angry!" With practice, if we become self-aware, we can short-circuit this sequence of events and never have to rush head-long into anger. As an added bonus, this will confuse the living daylights out of your tormentor and send them into a quandary over your calm demeanor! Remember: Success – the ultimate revenge! I'm not advocating "getting even" with anyone. In my opinion, that is a fool's errand. To allow yourself to get trapped in this sort of interaction of one-ups-manship, is comparable to locking yourself into some self-imposed prison. When we make this mistake, we ensure that we will be wasting precious moments of our lives being miserable! We allow our adversary to gain the upper-hand in these interactions by lowering ourselves to their level of communicating and interacting. When we refuse to let go of anger, from the present or the past, we take a large step toward ensuring our own misery! How can anyone be happy carrying around that sort of baggage? We need to learn to have greater control over our reactions to these stimuli before we allow ourselves to become angry! I'm not trying to imply this is always easy to do, but sometimes we should keep in mind what our mothers used to advise us to do – consider the source! Don't allow yourself to stoop to the level of a raving maniac to defend yourself or get your point across. Ultimately, it is you that will pay the price for such a breech of protocol – by making yourself miserable! There are far more effective ways to deal with anger. We should keep in mind the age-old advice of counting to ten before we respond in a given situation. This really does work and I advise you to try it. Don't allow others to push your buttons. Keep in mind that some people may actually find your responses entertaining and set out to deliberately set you off! Do you really want to entertain others like this by acting like some sort of uncouth buffoon? Another trick to keep in mind if someone is shouting at you is to remain calm! Do not shout back! Rather, respond in a calm, low voice. You will be amazed at how the other person will mirror your response by lowering their voice, too! This rarely fails to work when someone is berating you over some perceived infraction. It's almost like watching a balloon deflate. This method of responding literally takes the wind out of their sails! Do not allow yourself to be drawn into the trap of a "screaming match". Rarely is anything accomplished by two people shouting at one another. The more usual conclusion is two people with pulses pounding, blood pressure elevated, stomachs churning, and teeth grinding. In plain words, the conclusion is two people that are not only angry and miserable, but who have accomplished little or nothing. They are left to approach the subject later, if at all, after they have calmed down. It's a senseless and unproductive waste of energy and can damage relationships irreparably. Another circumstance might be a bit more difficult for some people to deal with. We are all human and we all make mistakes from time to time. In my experience, I've seen people I think would almost rather die than admit they made an error! However, when you do make a mistake – be big enough to admit it. You would be surprised how this can deflate an anger situation, too. You messed up on the job, your boss is ready to tear you a new one . . . and you have the unmitigated gall to admit you messed up! It deflates you boss' anger most of the time and you can calmly discuss how to ensure the infraction doesn't happen again. You can use this technique to address anger in personal relationships as well. If you disappoint someone close to you or let them down in someway by not following through on a promised action – admit it. Calmly discuss the situation and take steps to prevent it from happening again. Anger precludes happiness! If it stems from the past – find out where the roots lie and deal with those issues. To be truly happy we must do our best to remove anger from our lives and even learn to prevent anger in the first place – even if it means taking anger management classes! Anger is only one of the traps we can fall into, |