Fear:
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Fear is another tough nut to crack. This is particularly true for those individuals that grew up in an abusive or violent environment. People that lived in these conditions for years, as some children do, may fall victim to a sort of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder according to some mental health professionals. Fear becomes such a chronic state, particularly where your physical safety is concerned, that it casts a pall over a person's entire existence. Feeling like a shell-shocked survivor in a bombed-out city, many people live in fear waiting for the next bomb to drop.

This fear can become so deep-seated it can even invade our dreams. It leaves us nowhere to turn, not even in our sleep, to escape the feeling of impending doom.

It is imperative for people with this type of fear to remember that, just like a nightmare that has no real power to harm us when we wake, these thoughts, although quite troubling, are just memories. We have to learn that they are in the past and are now gone. For people suffering from this type of hangover from the past this can seem almost impossible to do. At times in our lives when we are under stress for one reason or other, these fears can and sometimes do come back to visit us in our nightmares. Things in our lives may be rolling along just fine and then – WHAM – we have a nightmare that can bring it all back, leaving us shaking and fearful again just like when we were children.

We need to anchor ourselves in the present moment and keep in the forefront of our minds that these demons from the past cannot harm us any longer. The way we can do this is to focus on the present and keep in mind that if we refuse to surrender to our memories we can free ourselves from the tyranny of the past. I am not trying to imply that this is easy to do. Most people will have a degree of difficulty with this. I was left with nightmares that haunted me for years that would leave me shaking like a leaf and drenched in sweat, despite the claim of some professionals that we don't "sweat" when we have nightmares. I once had a dream that I was being crucified. Later it seemed rather odd that I was more chagrined at being naked than I was at my impending demise!

If this should be your case, don't despair. Remember that thoughts are just thoughts and are powerless to hurt us unless we surrender to them by dwelling on them. We need to let the past drift away like a passing storm cloud. Take heart that behind those storm clouds the sun is still shining. Remember also that, just like me, you are probably quite "normal". After all, researchers claim that over 80% of families are in some way dysfunctional. Welcome to my world!

So, where does this fear that permeates our lives stem from? After years of indoctrination in our childhood it becomes a habit we form. If you have spent years living in fear for your safety it would be a rare individual indeed that didn't adopt a pessimistic attitude and that would be the exception rather than the rule. When we grow up in an explosive environment, where things are completely out of our control, where any moment regardless of our behavior we can be set upon, we learn to expect the worst – and are rarely disappointed.

Living under these conditions can crush anyone's spirit and we learn to be always on our guard in order to know when the situation around us may become dangerous in order to give us a chance to escape the danger. We can have it literally pummeled into our heads that the world is an uncaring, unfeeling, and dangerous place where our safety is always at risk. If you grew up the way I did, there is no question in my mind why you live in a state of perpetual fear just waiting for the next disaster to strike.

However, if we examine our attitude more closely we can ascertain that this has become a habit. Even years after we have escaped our tormentors we may still live under this pall of gloom, fearful that the sun not only will never shine again, but that the damned thing has gone out! We have become so accustomed to seeing life this way that it has become an unconscious part of our outlook on life. We don't seem to really think about it because it has become a reflexive response, a defense mechanism we built in childhood in order to try to keep ourselves safe. However, we need to acknowledge the fact that the defense mechanisms we built in childhood can and do become stumbling blocks to happiness later in life. Not only are they no longer necessary, but they can become a hindrance to us in the present moment.

We need to tear down these barriers in order to let the sunlight in again. Since we have spent years building and responding to these defense mechanisms, this will take a degree of determination, but it is certainly not impossible. Like any habit we have practiced for years we need to become consciously aware that these defense mechanisms are outmoded and holding us back and are no longer healthy for us to practice. Habits form over years, particularly those that were beneficial to our safety, so it will take practice to rid ourselves of them. But do not despair because we can rid ourselves of them and walk into the light of a brighter tomorrow – it just takes determination to do so. With practice we can free ourselves from our tormentors once and for all!

Some of these attitudes were thrust upon us directly through the actions of others. For instance, if you were brutalized as a child there can be little wonder if you fear for your safety; anyone in similar circumstances would. This can go even deeper, however, and can have a direct influence on how we see ourselves; it affects our self-image. We grow up with a severe lack of self-esteem. After all, if our caregivers didn't love us, surely this means we must be the most unworthy of individuals. This must certainly prove we are not worthy of being loved.

Other times it may be an act of omission that is the root cause of the problem. If we grew up with no guidance, emotional support, or if people didn't seem to think we were worthy of their time to come see us play ball, play in the school band, and take part in the school play or other activities that meant a great deal to us, we would obviously feel unworthy. If people, by not taking time for us, in effect told us we weren't so special to them, there can be little wonder that we don't see ourselves as all that special either.

The most important thing to remember here is that you are not responsible for the actions of others! Whether you were abused or neglected, stop holding yourself responsible for the conduct of those that left you feeling alone and hurt. It wasn't your fault!

These feelings tend to permeate our entire outlook not only on how we see life, but also on how we see ourselves. It's little wonder that people hobbled with such a self-image and lack of self-esteem have problems being happy and bringing joy and peace into their lives. This negative attitude about ourselves invades every corner of our lives. We don't feel worthy of being loved, so we fail to put ourselves out there to find love; we know we'll be rejected, confirming our worst fears - our unworthiness. We don't ask for a raise or try to find a better job because we know we're not worthy or tell ourselves we would fail if we tried.

The root cause of all these and similar problems is our "habit" of fear. We've had years of proof that we are not worthy of happiness, peace, and joy! This is a blatant lie and until we rid ourselves of this lie it's comparable to trying to run the Boston Marathon on two broken legs! It may not be impossible, but it damned sure is a hell of a lot more difficult!

Think of it like this: Consider yourself trapped in a dungeon. You're on your hands and knees being whipped across your bare back. Your tormentor kneels down and puts the whip in your hand and says to you: “I have to go to lunch, but while I'm gone you keep whipping yourself until I come back!” Your tormentor leaves and opens all the doors for your escape and leaves them open behind him. Do you continue to stay there and whip yourself or do you attempt to flee? Odd as it may seem, most people will stay there on their knees and take up where their tormentor left off! When we live in fear this is what we do to ourselves. Even years later, when our tormentor is long-gone, we persist in torturing ourselves because we have been convinced that we are worthy of nothing better!

This is how fear from childhood can so permeate our beliefs about ourselves that it can come to rob us of every chance for a better life. We buy into the lies that were, in some cases, literally beaten into our heads. Expose the lie for what it is! It wasn't your fault. Stop taking responsibility for the actions of others. We are all worthy of being loved and being treated with courtesy, dignity, and respect. If others can't acknowledge that – it's not your fault! The problem isn't yours but theirs! Learn to see yourself as worthy of the same treatment others would want for themselves. When you find people unwilling to treat you this way, remember – it's their problem, not yours and disassociate yourself from these individuals as soon as possible.

This new attitude may not spring up overnight. It does take practice to rid ourselves of "habits" that can take a lifetime to build. But it is not impossible to do so! Be persistent and persevere. Remember to keep in the forefront of your mind that you are just as worthy as anyone else. Refuse to allow others to treat you with anything less than courtesy, dignity, and respect. You are just as worthy of being loved as anyone. We all deserve this simply by being human. Treat others as you would like to be treated and turn your back on those that refuse to reciprocate. Free yourself from the chains of the past. Your past is now only a memory and memories can't harm you unless you dwell on them. Let them drift away like a storm cloud so you can allow the sun to shine again.

A pessimistic outlook can be insidious and difficult to shake. Keep in the forefront of your mind that you were taught to view life this way. You can teach yourself a new way to see life by banishing bad memories and taking control of the thoughts drifting through your mind. Don't panic over negative thoughts or bad moods – they will pass. They only stick around when we give them power over us by focusing our attention on them. You can free yourself from fear by remembering that it's only a bad memory and just like a dream, if we let it drift away; it will be gone with the morning's light. Remember – You are worthy!

Fear may also be related to
problems of self-esteem.

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