Possessions:
Ownership

Possessions have an uncanny way of owning us. Consider for a moment, a car, a house, money, a lover, and a spouse. Then ask yourself what all of these things have in common. To many of us, especially in the Western World, we look upon these things as possessions – even to the people in our lives! We were taught almost from birth about "ownership". Even to the point where we look upon others as objects for us to possess and own. Often we overlook the fact that other people have the right to pursue their own course in life, their own dreams, their own self-development, and their own happiness. They are not our possessions.

In the Western World particularly we seem to adopt this mindset on an unconscious level. This goes along with living in a "consumer society" where the ultimate goal is "instant gratification". This should come as no surprise to anyone, as we are taught from the time we are toddlers that happiness somehow resides outside ourselves in other people and possessions. So we are encouraged to "consume" and "own" all sorts of things we are told we have to have in order to feel a sense of fulfillment in life. It would seem that our entire purpose for existing is simply to acquire more possessions!

Ideally, for the marketplace, we are manipulated into spending every last dime we earn, and then some, all in the pursuit of acquiring a degree of peace in our lives. Obviously, we all want to have adequate food to eat and shelter. Most people want to be loved as well and to share a deep emotional bond with another. Somehow, however, these needs get clustered into things we don't really need and then the list of our needs gets perverted and grows at an accelerating pace that we attempt to frantically keep up with and all the while losing ground in our quest for more. Instead of bringing peace into our lives, our quest for possessions all too often brings us little more than stress, frustration, disillusionment, and a never-ending quest for a goal that the marketplace never intended for you to reach. If you did reach that goal, sales in the marketplace would decline dramatically. The illusion that is being foisted upon you is that possessions equal happiness.

This means that, in order to keep you trapped like a mouse on an exercise wheel, the marketplace must keep you questing for evermore. This is how you are enticed into wasting evermore of your life in a quest for fulfillment that no one intends for you to have – that would put them out of business! There are many analogies to describe this – the huckster's shell game on the corner, where you never win; the hamster on the exercise wheel, burning up energy and going nowhere; the donkey continually pursuing the carrot on the end of the stick, which it will never reach. All of this is designed to keep you in a constant state of expectation simply by promising you a state of fulfillment that somehow never seems to arrive. And, of course, this keeps you acquiring more possessions in the expectation that the next possession will bring the peace and happiness you crave.

Years ago I learned the folly of believing that possessions are owned by us – more often the case is that our possessions own us. I made this discovery as a teenager when I was working toward owning my first car. I worked two jobs in order to be able to buy a brand new car! Coming from a background of limited means, this was a big coup for me. I later realized that the moment I drove it off the lot that the car began to lose value. I had to keep working hard to pay it off, to pay for the maintenance, to pay for the insurance, and so forth.

Fate smiled on me too – like pigeons smile on the statues they perch on! The brand new car turned out to be a lemon and it spent more time in the shop than it did on the road. I got nowhere with the service department that fought me over every repair the car needed even though it was brand new! I even went to see a lawyer about it, but the laws at that time left me with my hands tied. I finally decided to trade the car in on another one and got rid of the nightmare – it was two years later and my brand new car only had 9,000 miles on it when I drove it onto the lot to trade it in. Obviously, I went to another car dealer. Ah, the good life!

Now, after you stop laughing, you may think that this would make anyone angry – it certainly did me! But after I calmed down, and got a truly reliable vehicle that lasted for years, I also noticed that I had learned a valuable lesson – you can’t buy happiness. This was particularly brought home to me while I owned that nemesis of a car – the economy took a downturn and I was laid-off for ten months! Of course, the payments on the car didn't stop along with my paycheck, or the insurance payments, or the maintenance. I was still saddled with my attempts to buy happiness.

You may think this is a cruel twist of fate – and it was, which should explain why I often felt I was born under a bad sign or something like that. This is especially true after escaping my far-from-perfect past. However, after I stopped foaming at the mouth with rage, I realized that I had learned that possessions have an uncanny knack of "owning" those that feel they need them.

This was just another of many examples in our culture where we are taught, practically from birth, to look outside ourselves for happiness. We get to believing in the illusion that somehow happiness comes to us through other people and possessions.

This insidious mindset spills over even into our personal relationships. Of course, this is more on an unconscious level than a conscious one, but the results where relationships are concerned can be devastating nonetheless, both for us and our intimates.

When we look upon our loved ones as our possessions, we are setting them and ourselves up for misery. We often fail to acknowledge that other people have the right to pursue their own destiny and should be allowed to be who they are. This is particularly true if their pursuit of their goals, destiny, and happiness becomes a threat to our "ownership" of them. Then we can become as frantic as an infant fearing abandonment by its Mother! The problem, of course, is our own insecurity – and in my experience, most of us have at least some insecurity. This is directly attributable to our buying into the myth that our happiness is dependent on matters outside ourselves. When we believe this myth, we can become terrified of anything that threatens to disrupt the status quo.

If we truly love another, we should be willing to let them blossom in their own life – they will be happier and far more likely to be grateful for our support. This does not necessarily mean that they will abandon us. We need to practice being supportive of our loved ones and friends and to revel in their success and attempts at broadening their horizons and lives. This may even give us the necessary impetus to do the same ourselves and thereby become happier people in the process.

When we become too attached to anything we set ourselves up for misery. Whether it happens to be too much food, alcohol, drugs, sex, relationships, or even too much exercise, it can become detrimental to our growth. Some people even become workaholics in order to keep from examining their lives too closely. They almost literally become buried in their work. We need balance in our lives. To be ambitious and conscientious is admirable and, of course, we should exercise and take care of our bodies, but when we take these things to extremes even those things that are normally beneficial can become a prison for us. This is the underlying premise behind the Eastern belief that attachment/dependency is the root of all sorrow in our existence!

This touches on some of the Eastern Philosophies such as Buddhism and Taoism that pursue "non-attachment". This does not mean that we shouldn't love, but that we should allow others to be themselves. It also encourages us to not become slaves to illusion and myth. As adults we are all capable of taking care of ourselves. Our survival is not necessarily dependent on others. We need to allow ourselves to explore and grow just as others need this freedom, too. When we become too attached to anything, we inhibit our growth and hamper ourselves in our capacity to enjoy life. We live a virtual life of enslavement to the things we are overly attached to. We become as fearful as a man lost at sea clinging to a life raft to sustain us. This is not living, but drudgery. This is the main reason for non-attachment – it frees us to be who we were meant to be and allows us to be all we are capable of becoming.

Losing loved ones and friends can be painful and almost always is. However, we have to cherish the time we were fortunate enough to spend together. We all seem to feel alone in the Universe at times, but we have to keep in mind that this is merely another illusion. Admittedly, illusion or not, loneliness can be painful, but we have to remember that life is a journey and an adventure. Life becomes sweeter when we share ourselves with others, but there may be a time when we must part, or depart if we lose someone to death. We must keep in mind that, although loss is painful, it allows us to find others to share our sojourn with. These people may bring even more joy into our lives if we but allow them to.

Our view of possessions can also
color our relationships.

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